Shower jumping is a leading cause of noggin bonking.

God forbid you try and have some fun on this hellhole of an app.

Dumb dumb doesn't realize that “Sleepy Joe” is a reminder that we might be able to have a peaceful rest each night again.

Beach tip:

Abandon everything you brought to the beach and never speak of it again.

@cottoncandaddy Math Twitter has 0 01% sense of humor according to my calculations

Anything can be a substitute for love if it's delicious.

Wear your tattoos like Captain America's shield.

So You Want To Put Children In Harm’s Way: A Guide To Governing In The South